I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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