Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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