Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
