i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
