I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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