is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
