i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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