i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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