you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
