I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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