Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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