he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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