Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
