It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
