Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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