I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
