it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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