So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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