So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
