I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
