I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Enjoy the penises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
