The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
