Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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