brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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