That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
