she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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