bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
