i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
