Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
