I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
