When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
