I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
