i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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