About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
