So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
