You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
