Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
