Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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