Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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