can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
