They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
