I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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