my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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