so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can't special order awesome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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