she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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