i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Randomize
