the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
