My pussy is not your playground.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
