Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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