You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize