the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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