Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
