sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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