I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
